What I really want to say is Fuck you cancer, fuck you! But that seemed like a harsh title, and I didn't want to shock people who may just see a title in their google reader.
But really, I fucking hate cancer. I hate what it does to people, to families, to friends.
Dan's grandmother has been battling cancer for years, my memory is crap right now but I think it's been about 7 years. I grew up without grandparents (long story, I've got them but they weren't really a part of my life) and when I met Dan and his close family I was immediately welcomed by his grandparents. They are amazing and have shown me what it is to have loving caring involved grandparents. Something I didn't really know I was missing until I found it.
But now, Dan's beloved grandmother is struggling with this fight, for so long she was so strong. She went into remission and stayed healthy for 4.5 years before the bastard made it's reappearance everywhere. But even then she fought, she wouldn't give up, trying new treatments even when she knew how awful they'd make her feel, but she was hopeful.
Then came the news that those treatments weren't helping, in fact they were just making her quality of life worse. So began the journey of no treatment. For a while she was doing okay, some radiation here and there but no chemo, and she was feeling a bit better.
We all knew it couldn't last, we knew that the end of her road was near. We did our best to mentally prepare for it, we visited often, and made sure to take lots of pictures.
But nothing prepares you for the call that there are only days left, and that you really have to get out there one more time.
The "last visit" will be the hardest, she's such a different person now than she once was, just a shell of the once lively woman, too weak to even talk much, clearly in pain.
At this point I just hope we can get one more visit in, our lives are busy, it's hard to schedule visits etc etc, but I know that we will never forgive ourselves if we don't make the effort.
So once again, fuck you cancer, fuck you for taking people too young, fuck you.
2 comments:
I'm so sorry you guys are dealing with this. I hope you get another visit.
My heart hurts reading this. I have been reading the updates that Suzie posts on Facebook and it just kills me. The one truely goods thing is that the family that she will leave behind is so close and will help each other heal when the time comes. I am ALWAYS here if you guys need me!
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