What I really want to say is Fuck you cancer, fuck you! But that seemed like a harsh title, and I didn't want to shock people who may just see a title in their google reader.
But really, I fucking hate cancer. I hate what it does to people, to families, to friends.
Dan's grandmother has been battling cancer for years, my memory is crap right now but I think it's been about 7 years. I grew up without grandparents (long story, I've got them but they weren't really a part of my life) and when I met Dan and his close family I was immediately welcomed by his grandparents. They are amazing and have shown me what it is to have loving caring involved grandparents. Something I didn't really know I was missing until I found it.
But now, Dan's beloved grandmother is struggling with this fight, for so long she was so strong. She went into remission and stayed healthy for 4.5 years before the bastard made it's reappearance everywhere. But even then she fought, she wouldn't give up, trying new treatments even when she knew how awful they'd make her feel, but she was hopeful.
Then came the news that those treatments weren't helping, in fact they were just making her quality of life worse. So began the journey of no treatment. For a while she was doing okay, some radiation here and there but no chemo, and she was feeling a bit better.
We all knew it couldn't last, we knew that the end of her road was near. We did our best to mentally prepare for it, we visited often, and made sure to take lots of pictures.
But nothing prepares you for the call that there are only days left, and that you really have to get out there one more time.
The "last visit" will be the hardest, she's such a different person now than she once was, just a shell of the once lively woman, too weak to even talk much, clearly in pain.
At this point I just hope we can get one more visit in, our lives are busy, it's hard to schedule visits etc etc, but I know that we will never forgive ourselves if we don't make the effort.
So once again, fuck you cancer, fuck you for taking people too young, fuck you.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Reunion conundrum.
To go or not to go...that is the question. My 10 year High School Reunion is coming up this October, and I need to get off the pot and decide if I'm going to go ASAP. I've already missed the deadline for the discount tickets and if I go now I must pay an additional $15 per person...
Here's my dilemma, I loved high school, it was great I had a great time etc etc...but I have sucked at keeping in touch with anyone I went to school with. Then I joined facebook...ah the amazing time suck known as facebook. Now I've become "friends" with almost all of my old high school friends, I keep up on what they're up to, I see pictures of their kids and all that....so I sort of feel like what's the point of going to the reunion.
Also, I'm pregnant, so I won't be boozing it up at the reunion, I'll have to find something to fit my even fatter now ass into to go, and drunk people annoy me when I'm sober.
Really the second point there is the major one, I am appalled by the amount of weight I've gained since high school and I don't really want to even show my face there....I know I shouldn't care and that everyone looks different blah blah blah...but it's tough when you used to be a pretty thin girl and now...well not so much.
I fear that I'll regret not going, but wonder if I'll regret more spending $130 on tickets not to mention shelling out $ for the new clothes I'll buy to not have fun....or worse be uncomfortable.
Decisions, decisions.
Here's my dilemma, I loved high school, it was great I had a great time etc etc...but I have sucked at keeping in touch with anyone I went to school with. Then I joined facebook...ah the amazing time suck known as facebook. Now I've become "friends" with almost all of my old high school friends, I keep up on what they're up to, I see pictures of their kids and all that....so I sort of feel like what's the point of going to the reunion.
Also, I'm pregnant, so I won't be boozing it up at the reunion, I'll have to find something to fit my even fatter now ass into to go, and drunk people annoy me when I'm sober.
Really the second point there is the major one, I am appalled by the amount of weight I've gained since high school and I don't really want to even show my face there....I know I shouldn't care and that everyone looks different blah blah blah...but it's tough when you used to be a pretty thin girl and now...well not so much.
I fear that I'll regret not going, but wonder if I'll regret more spending $130 on tickets not to mention shelling out $ for the new clothes I'll buy to not have fun....or worse be uncomfortable.
Decisions, decisions.
Monday, August 10, 2009
An award?!? For me?!?
You read that right, I got an award. Really I'm shocked, flattered but shocked. I was just working aka wasting time reading through my blog list checking out what's new with all my "Internet friends" as my husband so fondly refers to them...when I stumble upon an award I've received from Smartass Mom whom I adore for many reasons not the least of which is her wit.
So now I will dutifully pass this award along to three more of my "Internet friends" who I feel are deserving and who's blogs you really shouldn't miss.
On being mommy is a great blog by written by my dear friend and college room mate, she is refreshingly raw and funny about all things mommy.
A, B and Baby C is another great blog about navigating motherhood while maintaining a sense of self. Which is easier said than done.
O Baby This blog is great, tons of super cute baby pictures and a really fresh honest perspective on motherhood.
So thank's Smartass mom! I loooove your blog and am flattered that you like me...uh I mean mine too.
So now I will dutifully pass this award along to three more of my "Internet friends" who I feel are deserving and who's blogs you really shouldn't miss.
On being mommy is a great blog by written by my dear friend and college room mate, she is refreshingly raw and funny about all things mommy.
A, B and Baby C is another great blog about navigating motherhood while maintaining a sense of self. Which is easier said than done.
O Baby This blog is great, tons of super cute baby pictures and a really fresh honest perspective on motherhood.
So thank's Smartass mom! I loooove your blog and am flattered that you like me...uh I mean mine too.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Beer!
If you know me at all you know about my intense love of all things beer. I love beer! All kinds of beer, micro brews, good old Coors lights, Mexican beers, German beers...basically all beer.
But, while pregnant I must take a temporary break from my love of beer...it's sad really. I salivate when Dan orders a beer at a restaurant or when someone updates their Facebook status about cracking a nice cold beer...oh how I miss beer.
But lucky for me I have been able to quench my thirst with a pseudo beer, or should I say faux beer...really those sound better than "non-alcoholic".
So I've decided to become a faux beer connoisseur for the next 9 months.
So far I've tried St Paulie Girl, and Clausthaler...I much prefer Clausthaler to St Paulie Girl.
Anyhow if you've ever wondered which faux beer was best than tune in because I plan to make it my mission to try every non-alcoholic beer I can get my hands on.
Crazy...maybe, but really I'm doing it in the name of research.
But, while pregnant I must take a temporary break from my love of beer...it's sad really. I salivate when Dan orders a beer at a restaurant or when someone updates their Facebook status about cracking a nice cold beer...oh how I miss beer.
But lucky for me I have been able to quench my thirst with a pseudo beer, or should I say faux beer...really those sound better than "non-alcoholic".
So I've decided to become a faux beer connoisseur for the next 9 months.
So far I've tried St Paulie Girl, and Clausthaler...I much prefer Clausthaler to St Paulie Girl.
Anyhow if you've ever wondered which faux beer was best than tune in because I plan to make it my mission to try every non-alcoholic beer I can get my hands on.
Crazy...maybe, but really I'm doing it in the name of research.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Hmm...lets see what's new with me....
Uh well let me think about that, Natalie's getting a new tooth, we had a garage sale where I only made $35, my parents celebrated their 30th anniversary, and oh yeah, I'm pregnant!
Yup, that's right Natalie is going to be a big sister! I'm due on April 2, so if things go according to plan I will have 2 April babies....can you say diamonds. Now I just have to talk Dan into getting me a mother's ring.
So far I'm feeling pretty good, exhausted but overall pretty good. I have *knock on wood* not been sick yet, but have had a couple bouts of nausea. I'm hoping that I will get lucky and not be too sick this time. I had pretty mild morning sickness with Natalie and besides throwing up on the neighbors lawn I made it through pretty unscathed.
As for the due date, I WILL do everything in my power to NOT have this child on April 1st.
I'm anxiously awaiting my first prenatal appointment and getting to see that little bean on the ultrasound machine.
And I do think I'm nuts for entering the insane world of 2 under 2, but in all honesty we thought it would take a while to get pregnant this time considering how long it took to get pregnant with Natalie...but you can only plan so much I guess.
Yup, that's right Natalie is going to be a big sister! I'm due on April 2, so if things go according to plan I will have 2 April babies....can you say diamonds. Now I just have to talk Dan into getting me a mother's ring.
So far I'm feeling pretty good, exhausted but overall pretty good. I have *knock on wood* not been sick yet, but have had a couple bouts of nausea. I'm hoping that I will get lucky and not be too sick this time. I had pretty mild morning sickness with Natalie and besides throwing up on the neighbors lawn I made it through pretty unscathed.
As for the due date, I WILL do everything in my power to NOT have this child on April 1st.
I'm anxiously awaiting my first prenatal appointment and getting to see that little bean on the ultrasound machine.
And I do think I'm nuts for entering the insane world of 2 under 2, but in all honesty we thought it would take a while to get pregnant this time considering how long it took to get pregnant with Natalie...but you can only plan so much I guess.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)